


so you can come back

by decidueye



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-06
Updated: 2014-11-06
Packaged: 2018-02-24 09:37:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2576828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/decidueye/pseuds/decidueye
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Maria is a constant in Riza's life, and she grows on her subtly, like a creeping vine, until she's gone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	so you can come back

**Author's Note:**

> so, i created my [](http://queermustang.tumblr.com)fma tumblr about a month ago with the tag line 'campaign for more fma femslash 2k14'. this is my attempt to live up to that. thanks to [keptein](http://bisexualelric.tumblr.com/) for the beta.

  1. beginnings




 

Riza doesn’t even notice Sergeant Ross at first. She’s embarrassed, really; she usually makes it her business to get to know anyone who’s going to be spending a lot of time around Roy, even if they aren’t part of his regiment. But Maria first appears when Rebecca is over to visit, and, well…

_Riza is sitting on a bench just outside the train station, staring at her feet as though she might be able to will herself back in time, three days earlier, to before she’d greeted her friend with the same warm embrace she always had. She should have stuck to the routine: gone to the firing range; stayed up late talking about boys (or lack thereof) and reminiscing about their school days, when Rebecca had been the only escape from Riza’s father she had known._

_Instead, she’d broken pattern. One late night had turned into too much wine, into cuddling on the couch...into the most gentle rejection Riza had ever experienced._

_“I think I’ll leave tomorrow,” Rebecca had whispered softly, still not afraid to share her bed, and that had meant something, even as Riza’s heart broke. “But I’ll call you in a week, and everything will be back to normal, okay?”_

_“Okay, Riza had answered, but she hadn’t been so sure._

_“I’m sorry.” A voice shakes her out of her self-pity, and she looks up to see a young woman in a military uniform, three stripes and a bead on her shoulder, regarding her with a sad smile. Riza frowns, and the woman jumps nervously, worried she’s overstepped her bounds. “I just - it hurts even more sometimes, doesn’t it? When they love you but it’s not in the right way.”_

_Riza stares, and something must show in her eyes because the woman sits down next to her, leaning back on the bench and staring at the sky._

_“It’s better in the long run, though,” she says, still smiling, still sad, but not in pain. “Because she’ll never leave you. And she’ll kill anyone that breaks your heart like she did.”_

_“I - ” Riza starts, and hesitates. This woman is a stranger. Riza Hawkeye does not open up to strangers. “How did you know?”_

_“Your story isn’t a unique one,” the sergeant responds. “In fact, it’s probably far too common for its own good. I’ve seen you both around this week: you were always so captivated, and you couldn’t help but lean into her when she stood next to you. My name’s Maria, by the way. I work for Major Armstrong - fresh out of training.”_

She missed the war, then, _is Riza’s first thought, but she quickly shakes herself._

Riza doesn’t notice Sergeant Ross at first, but Sergeant Ross notices her, and Riza finds it disconcerting that she’s been out-observed.

  


  1. tactics




 

Warrant Officer Ross doesn’t work for Lieutenant Colonel Mustang, but she was appearing ever more frequently in his office, always on some business from Major Armstrong. Riza hadn’t thought that he and Roy were friends. She asks him as much one evening as she hovers over him, forcing him to finish the week’s paperwork. The man has ambition, but no drive, and Riza wonders sometimes what would have happened if she wasn’t there to complete him.

“Hm?” he responds, distracted. “Oh, Major Armstrong. No, we’re not friends, but I certainly don’t object to his staff spending more time with mine. He’ll make an important ally some day. And,” his pen pauses on the document he was halfway through signing, “he’s a better person than the both of us. I’m sure his subordinates are, too.”

Riza remembers Armstrong, the gentle giant who refused to fight. Most people call him a coward, but Roy is right; at least he didn’t follow those orders.

“Get to know her,” Roy says, and Riza wonders if that’s a command. “It can’t hurt to make more connections. Not to mention you need a social life.”

By that, Roy means that if she were to spend a few evenings away from the office, then he might be able to do the same. Riza sighs, hands him the rest of the paperwork, and neglects to refill his coffee cup as she exits the room.

_“Really?” Maria looks surprised when Riza approaches her, and Riza would be hurt if the cold and distant image hadn’t been something that she has worked hard to cultivate. The set-up in Armstrong’s office is very similar to Roy’s, but there are only two others there at this time, where Roy has everyone working late. Behind Maria, a young man with blonde, non-regulation hair - Corporal Brosch, she recalls - looks on in awe._

_“Well,” Riza says, doing her best not to look uncomfortable, “it seems a shame to go to the theatre alone. I had thought to bring the Lieutenant Colonel, but… he didn’t reach his quota this week.”_

_Maria laughs, and Riza looks startled. “I’m sorry,” the Warrant Officer explains, “I’m afraid you’re the subject of some office gossip.” Riza frowns, recalling the first time they had met - surely Maria knew that Riza wouldn’t - ? Maria leans in conspiratorially. “They say that you’re the one who deserves the promotion,” she whispers. Riza shrugs._

_“I certainly wouldn’t object to the pay rise,” she comments, and Maria laughs, swinging a satchel over her uniform before exiting the room with Riza. She pretends not to notice the exaggerated ‘thumbs up’ Brosch throws Maria behind her back._

Warrant Officer Maria Ross notices things about people they try very hard to keep hidden. She listens to water-cooler gossip and enjoys the theatre, enough that she can quote her favourite lines of the play Riza takes her to see.

Warrant Officer Maria Ross insists on walking Riza home; explains that she lives in one of the more dangerous parts of Central with three younger sisters and that’s made her paranoid, sorry, and Riza is left at her own doorstep wondering which of them exactly it was who performed the tactical manoeuvre that evening.

 

  1. experiences




  
Second Lieutenant Maria Ross sits across from Riza at a cafe. Black Hayate sits patiently at Riza’s feet, even though it’s become a long standing tradition that Maria will feed him some of her cake. He seems to know, this time, that Maria is angry.

_“They’re just children,” she says. Her features are creased into a frown, and Riza hates it. She has never seen Maria wear such a twisted expression; it’s painful to look at._

_“I know,” Riza replies, and she does. Alphonse and Edward Elric will be their ruin, she thinks. They’re just children, and they’re so much more than children, and Riza can only watch them burn, because what right does she have to stop them?_

_“Then why are you letting him -?” And she doesn’t mean Ed, this time, she means Roy, and that hurts, because he’s not her responsibility._

_Not really._

(She shouldn’t have shown him the tattoo).

 _Do you think the Colonel has any more control over Edward Elric than you or me?” she asks, instead of_ ‘why do you have so much faith in me that you think I can stop this?’

_Maria frowns. Her fist clenches around her fork - and then she deflates with a sigh. Her features soften, and Riza feels like spring has finally forced its way through a long, dark winter._

_“I’m projecting,” Maria says, with the same sad smile that Riza had first seen her wearing. Riza wonders if she will ever find out where that smile came from. “I’m sorry. We can only do our best.”_

Their best is not good enough. Roy continues to be cruel, misguided by his own grief, and Riza rounds the corner of a corridor in Central Headquarters to see Second Lieutenant Maria Ross leaning against the wall with a suit of armour. Alphonse is crying, and Maria’s head is on his shoulders, and Riza wonders how she manages to keep that side of her open; to be so warm in the face of the orders they have to follow and the darkest secrets that are all beginning to unravel.

 

  1. departures




 

Maria Ross, currently suspended of her rank, is in jail. She is in jail, and then she is dead, and then she is far away, in a place that Riza can’t even begin to imagine and will certainly never be herself. 

Maria had never been separate from all this - not quite the outside influence Roy had intended her to be - but Riza finds herself without an anchor, and she calls Rebecca at three in the morning, grateful that her friend had just had a phone installed in her home.

_The phones are tapped, and they both know it. They talk about the weather, and Black Hayate, and Rebecca tells her about Havoc - the man's still able to cause trouble, apparently, and Riza is glad._

_"Yeah, but the general store's one of the most popular around, now. Last time I was out there, there were people who'd been on the train for an hour to get there. Crazy, right? His family are overjoyed, though."_

_Riza smiles, "Havoc's always been resourceful, it's not rare for him to make something out of nothing."_

_Eventually, they talk about Maria. It's tactical, really - Riza knows that it will help them sell her story. Rebecca doesn't know the whole truth, and she's met Maria a couple of times, of course she's going to want to know if her best friend is coping. If she's...grieving._

_"I'm alright," she says, and she can almost hear the third party on the phone line; an unnamed soldier listening in. Riza's tone is even, but maybe it's pitched differently, "She - wasn't who we thought she was, after all."_

She's a lot more, _Riza thinks._  I didn't know she could be this brave.

_"That makes it worse, though, doesn't it?" Rebecca asks, "I know you - well, to have one perception of someone and then find out - and to lose her before you can even ask..."_

_That's Rebecca's & I'm-trying-to-make-you-talk-about-your-love-life &voice, and it's the first time Riza's heard it when they're talking about anyone other than Rebecca herself. Riza thinks back to the first time Maria and Rebecca met - Maria's smile a little colder than usual, Rebecca's enthusiasm seeming a little more like an interrogation._

_"It wasn't like that," Riza tells her, "I would have told you if it was like that."_

_"Oh." Rebecca sounds genuinely surprised, and Riza is saddened by what that says about their friendship. They're busy, and they have bigger things to worry about, but do they really not have time to talk any more? "I'm sorry, then. It could have been, right?"_

_Could it?_

_"...maybe."_

Maria Ross, documented deceased and stripped of her rank, is far away, and Riza is in the eye of the storm, too busy, too determined, too _scared_  to hope that things might be any different.

 

  1. diplomacy




Maria isn’t meant to be a soldier. She’s a brilliant one, but they all know it wasn’t her calling - so when she goes to Roy’s office asking to be reinstated, Riza isn’t surprised when he has an alternative suggestion for her.

_Maria clearly flourished in Xing. She carries herself straighter now, her skin is tanned and fresh, and she looks tired, but satisfied. She seems to have more of her own purpose - no longer a pillar to hold everyone else up - and Riza thinks it suits her._

_“A foreign representative?” she repeats. Her eyes are wide, but Riza isn’t sure how shocked she really is - it had been obvious that she’d made a good impression on her hosts in Xing, and if Roy is to hold his position against the opposition that inevitably follows a fallen dictatorship, he’s going to need powerful allies who have no ties or preconceptions of their country._

_“A diplomat,” Roy tells her. “It means you’ll be spending a lot of your time travelling, of course, and I know that the desert can be an unpleasant place to spend so much of your year, but it’s a valuable position and we’d pay you handsomely. You can assemble your own team - ” Maria’s eyes flick towards Riza, and Roy coughs, “ - but I would have to approve them first, of course.”_

_“Right,” Maria says, and she’s meeting Roy’s gaze with a determination that she never would have managed before; Colonel Mustang has always inspired a certain amount of fear in anyone who doesn’t actually work under him. “Will you give me a few days to think about this? I need to talk to my family.”_

_Roy gives his permission, and Riza is certain that Maria has made up her mind, but the flicker of panic that flashes behind Maria’s eyes when Riza offers her a smile catches her off-guard._

_She finds her, three hours and five more reassignment meetings later, on a bench outside the train station, staring at her feet._

_“You aren’t sad, are you?” Riza jokes, and Maria looks up, startled, and then laughs as Riza sits beside her. Even her laugh sounds lighter now. And Riza had been worried that she was suffering._

_“Not at all,” she says. “How can I be? We’ve lost so much, but this...it finally feels like it was_  worth _it.”_

_Riza’s still not so sure, but it feels good to hear someone else say it out loud. Like it could be true._

_“Have you decided, then?” She says, and the flash of panic is back, just for a moment, replaced by an old, familiar sad smile._

_“I really don’t think there’s anything else for me, now that I’ve heard it,” Maria replies. “It will hurt to leave my family again - they just got me back - but Denny says he’ll come, at least.”_

_Riza nods, and they sit in companionable silence for a while._

_“I know you won’t come,” Maria says eventually. Riza watches the way her fingers clench at the fabric on her knees, “so I’m not going to ask. It’s not because of him, either, even though he needs you - you think it would be running away, right?”_

I have to accept responsibility, _Riza thinks, and says nothing,_  saving the country that committed terrible sins does not absolve me of carrying them out.

_“I get it,” Maria says, and then grimaces. “As well as I can, anyway - I know it’s impossible for me to understand completely, because I wasn’t there. But I know what it’s like to have responsibilities. You’re right, of course - even if I know that you’re a good person, hiding from your past doesn’t change what you’ve done.”_

_Somehow, it doesn’t sound like an accusation when Maria says it. Even Riza struggles to admit it to herself, sometimes, and she has no idea how Maria manages to make it sound so simple._

_“I’d like it if you could visit, though,” Maria continues. “Xing - it’s such a beautiful country, and the people are loyal to Ling. I think he’s going to do something great. We were already talking about better methods of exchange when I left - a long distance railway, perhaps - so you wouldn’t have to take too much time out of your work. If not, I guess I’ll just have to bother you whenever I’m back in Central, but...I was sort of hoping…”_

_Maria trails off, meeting Riza’s gaze shyly, and Riza’s mind flashes back to that night with Rebecca all those years ago. How exposed she had felt, and Maria is putting so much more on the line, here. Riza had known that she and Rebecca would always be friends, but Riza is Maria’s main link to Central._

_Riza shifts a little on the bench, leaning against Maria’s shoulder. “I’d like to see Xing,” she says, placing a hand over Maria’s, still tense on her knee. It relaxes instantly, and even though Riza’s gaze is focused on the train station opposite them, she hears Maria’s relieved sigh, and feels her turn her head into Riza’s neck._

_“I’m already looking forward to it.”_

Amestrian Ambassador Maria Ross is a sight for sore eyes after a week-long trip across the desert. Riza’s brought her work with her, and carries the phone number for Central Headquarters on a slip of paper in her pocket - she intends to make this visit last. Ambassador Ross’s face lights up when she sees Riza, and she rushes through the formal introductions, threading her arm through Riza’s and pulling her ahead, talking excitedly about the dinner she has planned, and the local hot spring they can visit afterwards.

Riza feels something loosen in her chest, and for a little while, she thinks she’ll let herself be happy.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> like i said, [i am on tumblr](http://queermustang.tumblr.com), and if you believe that there needs to be more fma femslash, please talk to me! there should also be a fanmix coming up soon, not necessarily for this fic but pretty compatible, so if you're into that sort of thing you could keep an eye on me, maybe.


End file.
